Crapulence

Her voice resonated from across the room

Staccato and high-pitched

Piercing through my very nerves

I came home nonchalant and tired from work

But she only greeted me in a shrill and fiery voice

I see rounded objects flying from a distance

Trying to hit me, but I evaded

Her eyes were glaring, mine deadpan

I could hear the hiss from her mouth

Yet I couldn’t utter a word

White noise and soft murmurs filled the background

My vision was in haze; vomit started to make its way up

She approached from the rear

Gave a faint cry and wrapped me in her arms

The smell of beer and cheap perfume were evidence

She could see lipstick stains on my collar

But she bade only an apology, I don’t know why  

Style / Type: 
freeform
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Language: 
English
0
Your rating: None
NinaAbbysays's picture

Very, very interesting

Very different. I like it. it was good.

keep up the good work.

Love and Peace

Your rating: None

thanks!

i actually sent a copy of this to our campus paper, but i don't think it's that good to be published.

Thanks for the critique! This is actually my first time writing a poem, sans the school-related assignments.

 

Your rating: None
NinaAbbysays's picture

No problem.

I started really writing poetry after I took a poetry class my sophmore year of high school.

Your rating: None