As I drift off into that place I know so well, a place where all is swell, where my fantasy becomes my reality, and you never disappoint, but I know reality will never reach that point. I've been tricked by my own mind more than I care to admit. a slick kick through the middle of my heart;yet I know l never bring myself to experience the ups because I can't fathom the downs, but even apart from that despair, there is one thing that is certain. I return to that place night after night to watch until the curtain closes. never failing to romanticize, fanaticize that it's all I need, pretend and force feed, embellish my attraction, feign my satisfaction, distort this image, amplify the color until I feel intensity in this scrimmage I call love. but all I can think of, in the morning after I wipe the tears and begin to see clear, do I need it to complete me? to make me whole? everyone wants someone to hold. every night I attempt to unfold the part wrapped up so tight, my dreams continue until I know you, love you, and control you. and when you finally become a sentimental part of my being,it's too late. I cant escape. the pedestal I placed you on is too high, and I cannot climb to reach you no matter how hard I try. they tell me Im adored, but that just leaves me feeling bored. just because you're loved doesn't mean you love. in my dreams, I find all I need, but when awake, I know those feelings were all fake. romanticizing a habit I cannot break. will it ever cease? I yearn to find peace, to feel whole, escape from the hold of the role I play to satisfy my soul with eyes wide shut. no more clever tricks. I need eyes wide open.