The sun
The sun is a golden bun
just out the oven in the sky
the sun is daffodil
that wanted to fly
the sun is a bright light
that shines in your eyes
the sun is a flame
that never dies
the sun is a yellow balloon
that flew high in the sky and never came down
the sun is there
to turn your frown upside down
Style / Type:
freeform
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Please do not critique mechanics. The inconsistencies in style are intentional, or correcting them is not important to me.
Language:
English
(3 votes)
nice
I especially liked
the sun is a bright light
that shines in your eyes
the sun is a flame
that never dies
Dear Grainne,
First of all Welcome to the Poems & Prose family!
About the poem: To me this is the brightest poem I have seen for a LONG LONG time. People may rate it down because of its overwhelming simplicity but if they come back and read it when depressed the real value of this poem will be know. I loved it and I'm serious about my comments..
Grainne, you made my day.. :)
Keep writing and well done.
Respectfully,
Amartya
PS: I rated it 5/5
welcome to poemsnprose. the
welcome to poemsnprose. the lines i liked are...' the sun is a daffodil that wanted to fly 'i whole heartedy agree with amartya in saying your poem is very good moodlifterl'
hi
hi!!! Welcome to poemsnprose ... very nice so beautifully writen and so short and cute really nice...///
Reema..