One suggestion: Leave out: so full of  zest.  And delete "the" n "the zippy strides"  YOU HAVE WRITTEN A LITTLE JEWEL HERE.

I WROTE THIS LONG AGO. We both think alike/

There was once a gypsy toy

Dressed like a gypsy boy

One earriing n his ear

No heart to break. No soul to feel

But closer  you could see

Tears in his gypsy  eyes

For a heart he had and a soul was his

Hidden in silent cries

Much more "poetic" -- more a poem and less like a rhyming llimerick. BRAVO !! You have come such a long way. Now the piece "rings true." And very clear imagery. YOU CAN SEE IT !!!

joe

hats off to both of you.....The emotion is well expressed....

The best part is that both of you have this different style of expressing the same emotion...which is awesome

I like Joe's style of writing more appealing to the common man....easy to understand n feel.

Amartya ur style is more complex but if you read closely it moists your eyes..(touches hearts)

Thanks for both the poems

Short and packs a punch.  I'll never be able to buy a marionette now without cutting the strings 

Mocit

First of all GREAT PIECE of POETRY  by Jack and a good moulding by JoE. BOTH OF YA...it is awesome!!

 Nice little poem... Happy Puppet, hmmm ... I wonder if it is the correct title,

 I mean it ends up being the sad little puppet ... right? and as far as that

 transition goes, I wonder....

 as the strings bite

 with moist eyes

and a broken heart...   maybe "with" isn't the right word choice for

 showing the change, maybe "leaving" would make for an easier

 transition...  what do you think?  Just a question...

 Richard