My restful notions
My blissful mind
thinks of god
as his creations -
Scroll in thoughts
the human kind
and creatures timid
to mankind;
from pebbles to rocks
and stars to meteors,
the Universe
so vast, so wide
where truth
is the only guide.
Rhythmic moon,
the solar motion,
and dance of the galaxy -
Everything flows
through the river of time
wed locked in matrimony.
In peace I see -
the honey bee
display divine power -
in unity.
In rapture I find
lone the remorseful mind
yield trust to destiny.
My delightful wit
begs to submit
to the rule of such
divine entity.
(2 votes)
I missed these
I had to sort name to find these. I have been waiting for you to submit something. Now I realize you have already. I like this poem a lot. Very clever and deep. Your depth in writing is amazing. In 4 short lines I see a page of prose.
Mocit
Thank you for the appreciation. I sparingly write but try to do so well. As you can see VERY few understand me. That's one of my problems. Even my best friends and people closest to my heart perpetually hurt me thus... Enough said on this...
I'm happy there are some who share the same wave length....
Respectfully,
Amartya
hey it ws nice reading dis
hey it ws nice reading dis poem....
perhaps coz of its shrt lines....vry well written brother
hey thanks sweet heart
U are also an angel...
bonsoir
Nice reading this piece. When i started reading, first two lines set a sort of goal for the poem, through all the fascinating travel along the poem, i found myself so enchanted that i forgot to look wether i reached the goal which was set at outset. Later i realized no i did not. Second reading tried to force me to declare it a hymn. Though many will think it as a weakness, yet it gives a magical character to it.
I need to understand two things "Scroll in thoughts" and the term 'rapture'.
These two terms are very strongly related to theology, if we read it as hymn thn whole structure seems untidy because of these terms(in my humble opinion). It also makes poem lacks continuity and objective evaporated. The message of harmony and flow gets smeared down.
Brevity is the soul of wit, so you go near souls, things become more sensitive!
Hope I am not offending you much.
RA
RA
Welcome to Poems N Prose and I personally thank you for joining because finally we've got someone who wants to scan a poem from under a microscope. I meant it as a compliment because your critical view and honest, unadulterated questioning is important to a poet (any poet).
I'm someone who likes to keep my readers guessing. I what then to draw their own conclusions from my work. From your comment the least I could judge was that its been successful to meet both the objectives.
Since you asked and because this poem has already been read by many I think I can reveal what I was really thinking
....
I'm an atheist. While in another poetic forum I was once challenged by a group other poets. They called themselves believers. They wanted me to "believe" in what they believed in... LOL ... This was my poetic answer to them. Finally the debate became SO personal that I was thrown out of the community and later a kind soul made this site and apparently does not have any problem with me yet
....
I tried to make this piece as deceitful as possible... for example:
"My blissful mind
thinks of god
as his creations -
Scroll in thoughts
the human kind
and creatures timid
to mankind;"
I read it as "My blissful mind thinks of god as his creations. Scroll in thoughts the human kind and creatures timid to mankind;" But one may also read this as "My blissful mind thinks of god as his creations scroll in thoughts <a slight pause> the human kind and creatures timid to mankind;". Did you notice the marked difference in meaning?
LOL... why do you want to know about the controversial parts, RA? I often feel they finally caught up on me through you... Anyway, since you asked:
"In rapture I find
lone the remorseful mind
yield trust to destiny."
means
When I'm in peace (not fighting with others about atheism) I see that only a remorseful mind (interpret it as weak, sinful, regretful or anything else) yield (bow, submit....) to the power of "destiny" (atheists don't believe in destiny - actually there is no set rule they can if they want to. I don't like rules and may be therefore I call myself one).
Disclaimer: I'm not against ANY religion and / or belief... I love and respect all...
Respectfully,
Amartya
PS: And RA thanks once again... :)
This is fine poetry. So clear
This is fine poetry. So clear and wonderful to read. Flows like a quiet river.... calm and peaceful. Spirituality and religion are not necessarily mutually exclusive.
You have come a long way.
joe
Thanks Joe
You are my greatest poetic strength...
Respectfully,
Amartya
Trully a calming read
I really love the rhyme of this write. I Agree with joe; a calm steam of words I'm happy to float down.
Faith found in Nature
What a wonderful thing.
Loco
I'm glad you liked it...
Amartya
Sorry, I just re-read this
huh..??
how can sumone write so amazingly.. i jus cant believe wht i read.. it was so damn fyn.. grt werk!
Thanks Vaishali
Amartya
For me, this poem was an
For me, this poem was an eloquent expression of the scientific view of divinity where divinity is not perceived as a supreme soul or a supreme being, but rather in the underlying unity of nature and in the perfect symmetry of principles that govern the universe. Its a refreshingly different viewpoint to think of god as nothing more than the grand unification theory!
Yes
Madhukar,
Unification theory was what was there in my mind while writing this... Though I respect other views about god too I hate it when people what to impose their views on others - aggressively...
I'm happy I found like minded people in this forum... :)
Respectfully,
Amartya
cool
How long have you been writing, cause that was good. I kind of just started and I'm trying to get better
Antman... :)
Thank you for being honest... :)
I started writing less than an year ago... ;)
I KNOW YOU WILL GET BETTER... (not that you don't write well already) YOU CAN AND YOU WILL...
Respectfully,
Amartya
wow!!
Hey Dude!!!
Awesome!! just swooped me of my feet....
Thanks Museem...
Amartya