cannons and carnations
If asked I wont shy away
They can take their shots-- it wont die away
I'll take the blows, still look em right in the face
N speak wat I have the right to say
Such a delightful phrase, this three-petal rose
Many attest to know, but never get to hold
Because they wont let it grow in their garden, hardened wit
Soil soaked wit pride, seeds of fraudulence
In a deceitful harvest that'll bear bitter blossoms
Clever corsages, not this boastful bouquet
Sprinkled wit aromatic affections most wouldn't say
But she has this alluring way, wit her commanding eyes
And magic smile that makes everyday Valentine's
I've grown bulletproof to the taunting, I let nothin through
So I can speak it wit courage n purpose, because its true
The claim I've made infinite times, plus two
Holdin these flowers like a mic-- I hope you hear me: I love you </p>
They can take their shots-- it wont die away
I'll take the blows, still look em right in the face
N speak wat I have the right to say
Such a delightful phrase, this three-petal rose
Many attest to know, but never get to hold
Because they wont let it grow in their garden, hardened wit
Soil soaked wit pride, seeds of fraudulence
In a deceitful harvest that'll bear bitter blossoms
Clever corsages, not this boastful bouquet
Sprinkled wit aromatic affections most wouldn't say
But she has this alluring way, wit her commanding eyes
And magic smile that makes everyday Valentine's
I've grown bulletproof to the taunting, I let nothin through
So I can speak it wit courage n purpose, because its true
The claim I've made infinite times, plus two
Holdin these flowers like a mic-- I hope you hear me: I love you </p>
KG
Style / Type:
freeform
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Language:
English
Excellent!
Great word choice! You are a unique writer. One that can lay claim to thier own style confidently. You come through bold, heart felt, and true....lies roll off your work as water on oiled burlap. I believe the center of any great poet is clarity made simple with complex lines of infinate, eternal beauty. You achieve this brillantly. Joe matches your fire and ice and glow. Stay with this and you will grow and be more than you possibly may now not know.
Respectfully,
SA
honored.
just. honored! many many blessings to you!