connected
I've been writing, and im on my 1000th page
Because defining you takes as much time as it does space
There's jus not enough words or ways
For me to say not jus wat you mean
But how much-- you're so many things
In the hand of cards life dealt me, you're the queen
The rose wit the painless thorns in the garden I walked through
You're the soft touch my sore mind, body and soul approves
The explorer that completed the task of searchin me
My audience when I felt the urge to sing
Even tho I can't, you stayed my number one fan
The way you're my 1st choice everytime I wanna slow dance
You're the 8th day of my week, a time for romance
That ends wit me holdin you like this paper holds my words
All through the night, til the page is ready to turn
And bring a new day, a new page to think wit
Defining you is hard, and I don't think I'll ever complete it
Because wit every passin second, wat you mean to me increases.
KG
Because defining you takes as much time as it does space
There's jus not enough words or ways
For me to say not jus wat you mean
But how much-- you're so many things
In the hand of cards life dealt me, you're the queen
The rose wit the painless thorns in the garden I walked through
You're the soft touch my sore mind, body and soul approves
The explorer that completed the task of searchin me
My audience when I felt the urge to sing
Even tho I can't, you stayed my number one fan
The way you're my 1st choice everytime I wanna slow dance
You're the 8th day of my week, a time for romance
That ends wit me holdin you like this paper holds my words
All through the night, til the page is ready to turn
And bring a new day, a new page to think wit
Defining you is hard, and I don't think I'll ever complete it
Because wit every passin second, wat you mean to me increases.
KG
Style / Type:
freeform
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Language:
English
(1 vote)
Wow.
That was really good. I think the title could have been better. Connected might be a good title. Other than that, it was really good.
Thanks!
I'll go ahead and make that change-- ive never been good wit titles!