Home

Feeling

Submitted by lavanya b on Thu, 05/14/2009 - 12:13

 

im not a spec of dust easily be removed,</p>

im aint a weed in ur garden ,

im aint a writing on a paper to erase ,

im a feeling which cant be deleted.

I can leave u but u  can't .

I love you deep,

 i leave u though ,u don't deserve me. 

im flakes of dust, seen through  rays of sunlight .

i rise along with it to sky. 

Style / Type: 
freeform
Language: 
English
3.666665
Your rating: None Average: 3.7 (3 votes)
  • Share/Save
jack the ripper's picture

Lavanya

Submitted by jack the ripper on Thu, 05/14/2009 - 12:36.

Huuummm! Interesting thoughts; contradictory but intriguing... Such feelings do transpire in love and hate and clearly the subject of you write is subjected to both. 

I found the modern - care a shit for all - attitude even in the presentation different.I also liked the confidence of your subject. I do have a suggestion though. This wrtie would definitely look MUCH better if you work on it's grammar a little. But what the hell, who cares... Hey... I liked it and I'm sure you did too...

Welcome to Poems N Prose... U will mak a gud poetess.

Respectfully,
Amartya

 

Your rating: None

thanx

Submitted by lavanya b on Thu, 05/14/2009 - 12:47.

 thanx 

Amartya

i know im not gud my grammar wuld try to improve as much i can 

Your rating: None
jack the ripper's picture

Lavanya

Submitted by jack the ripper on Thu, 05/14/2009 - 12:49.

Thats the spirit, girl...

Respectfully,
Amartya

Your rating: None

yeah

Submitted by cakewalk on Thu, 05/14/2009 - 21:00.

i agree but it will come soon enough after you've written awhile you'll get it mines not so great either but we can help each other ;)

Your rating: None

thanx

Submitted by lavanya b on Thu, 05/14/2009 - 23:20.

thanx cakewalk 

 

i would definitely work on it[:d]

Your rating: None
jack the ripper's picture

Lavanya

Submitted by jack the ripper on Thu, 05/14/2009 - 23:44.

You are a very brave person.... ... Liked your spirit... (Somewhat like someone I know)

Amartya

Your rating: None

Nice one

Submitted by azeemoguy on Thu, 05/14/2009 - 21:32.

Nice one. You can do better, once you get better in organizing your thoughts.

Your rating: None

Nice feeling

Submitted by jwalia on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 15:49.

u got a grt imagination and it's the most essential thing to be a great writer/poet ,,.... Kudos to you ... God bless u

Your rating: None

thanx

Submitted by lavanya b on Sun, 12/27/2009 - 20:05.

 thanx fr appreciaton j.walia

Your rating: None