Submitted by PriyaNair on Fri, 05/15/2009 - 04:46.
Lavanya,
One thing common in your poems is your thought process...You Dare to write what you feel like..
Very Few actually do that...
Personally I am somebody who wouldn't hesitate to break a rule if need be...but as u said We should try follow them as far as possible to avoid any regret later on...
Submitted by lavanya b on Sat, 05/16/2009 - 08:17.
Priya.
Thanx for the aprreciation.
The truth is i dont know how i write it.It just my feelings come out and i dont know what im conveying thought its like a chain of things come out i put on paper to relieve myself and organise myself and help others and myself too.
Submitted by jack the ripper on Wed, 05/20/2009 - 03:29.
I've been fallowing your poem. I think your thought process at par with ANY other poet, philosopher or thinker... I promise you'll make a great poetess some day. There is a VERY thin line separating a good poem and an amateurish poem.The difference is finishing....
As a colleague I have the following to suggest (these are just suggestions and not sermons):
1) While writing a poem don't care about what language you need to use. The choice of language should depend upon YOUR comfort level. We need to understand that language is just a medium of expression of thoughts. Thoughts make a poem special and there is no dearth of these in your works.
Lavanya, English is a great language but it is not the only. I happen to write in English because i don't know how to express my thoughts well in any other language and that's a handicap.
2) About finishing: Lets do this... lemme use your thoughts and reconstruct the poem... let's see if it works better... (do remember thought thats it's 2:45 AM here n i had a LONG day) ;)
Rules
When I lose my way
and the road ahead
is unclear
I take the turn and return
to the point where
ambiguities clear.
But, beware of life
for it doth not giveth
a chance too often.
And when does it
let the opportunity be
not forgotten.
The complexities of life
make us take be granted
the simple rules that
road to us gives.
How often we break
these humble laws
and test the chance
that life seldom gives?
Breaketh a rule shall we
so if needed
and never ever when
it’s intended?
Don't be alarmed... The above may look complicated to the ones who never read this kind of English. I've used a touch of biblical English in it because your original sounded a little like a sermon to me... I'm sure the above draft can be bettered upon and can be written in a less complicated manner (I'm not being able to think simple these days and have my reasons ). I want you to concentrate on the finishing i provided to the write.
If you have a question please feel free to send me a message.
Remember... You can and you will do it - impossible is NOTHING.
HI
Lavanya,
One thing common in your poems is your thought process...You Dare to write what you feel like..
Very Few actually do that...
Personally I am somebody who wouldn't hesitate to break a rule if need be...but as u said We should try follow them as far as possible to avoid any regret later on...
Good One...
KEEP WRITING,
Priya
thanx
Priya.
Thanx for the aprreciation.
The truth is i dont know how i write it.It just my feelings come out and i dont know what im conveying thought its like a chain of things come out i put on paper to relieve myself and organise myself and help others and myself too.
yup
The Age old saying of Better Safe than Sorry is conveyed very nicely.
But here if their is a chance we definitely take the U turn.......
I think you should have written
if their is a chance we will definitely take the U turn.......
Just my way of looking at it......
KEEP WRITING MORE & MORE, THATS HOW SHAKESPERE'S WERE MADE.
Lavanya
I've been fallowing your poem. I think your thought process at par with ANY other poet, philosopher or thinker... I promise you'll make a great poetess some day. There is a VERY thin line separating a good poem and an amateurish poem.The difference is finishing....
As a colleague I have the following to suggest (these are just suggestions and not sermons):
1) While writing a poem don't care about what language you need to use. The choice of language should depend upon YOUR comfort level. We need to understand that language is just a medium of expression of thoughts. Thoughts make a poem special and there is no dearth of these in your works.
Lavanya, English is a great language but it is not the only. I happen to write in English because i don't know how to express my thoughts well in any other language and that's a handicap.
2) About finishing: Lets do this... lemme use your thoughts and reconstruct the poem... let's see if it works better... (do remember thought thats it's 2:45 AM here n i had a LONG day) ;)
Rules
When I lose my way
and the road ahead
is unclear
I take the turn and return
to the point where
ambiguities clear.
But, beware of life
for it doth not giveth
a chance too often.
And when does it
let the opportunity be
not forgotten.
The complexities of life
make us take be granted
the simple rules that
road to us gives.
How often we break
these humble laws
and test the chance
that life seldom gives?
Breaketh a rule shall we
so if needed
and never ever when
it’s intended?
Don't be alarmed... The above may look complicated to the ones who never read this kind of English. I've used a touch of biblical English in it because your original sounded a little like a sermon to me... I'm sure the above draft can be bettered upon and can be written in a less complicated manner (I'm not being able to think simple these days and have my reasons
). I want you to concentrate on the finishing i provided to the write.
If you have a question please feel free to send me a message.
Remember... You can and you will do it - impossible is NOTHING.
Respectfully,
Amartya
amartya
thanx fr the help
yea u have instrcuted me abt my english these rnt my latest wrks i havent written anything frm long time though.
i will write me thoughts some other day?
thanx fr expressing in this way yea ur right i culdnt get this bibical english much but real meaning i got it.
i wont leave the hope to write such gud poetry but ill try more harder enough to excel it.
Regards,
lavanya
loveulife
yea it does make sense
thanx fr ur advice[:)]
its a good poem- the fact n
its a good poem- the fact n truth of life is well said here.
good work n yes, dun b afraid to take a U turn if u go wrong somewhere!
vini
vinita
definitely ill take u turn by following rule r brking them wen required but depenfing on emergency but not fr fun
thanx fr the appreciation.