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Scars.

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Submitted by leannlaughlove on Fri, 12/18/2009 - 05:20

You can't see the scars

that you've left on my heart,

but that doesn't mean

they're in the dark.

They're there,

I can feel them

bursting

at the seams

as I hold back

a pained scream.

I know I said

I would always be there,

but this is getting

much harder to bare.

I think of you

when I sit idle,

I think of how

you're in denial.

You're sorry,

I know,

but not sorry enough

to avoid letting me go.

I guess I knew

all along

that this wouldn't turn out right,

but that didn't dim the hope

...that little, innocent light

Style / Type: 
freeform
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Language: 
English
5
Your rating: None Average: 5 (1 vote)

 Creative writing !!

Submitted by Dhaval on Fri, 12/18/2009 - 20:26.

 Creative writing !!

Thanks!

Submitted by leannlaughlove on Fri, 12/18/2009 - 23:59.

Thank ya, thank ya! :)

catlover12de's picture

Nice job.

Submitted by catlover12de on Fri, 12/18/2009 - 21:05.

 Great message in there. However, I feel it would be best if the format changed a little. The paragraph format doesn't seem to fit this poem the best. But other then that, It is absolutely wonderful.

Thanks!

Submitted by leannlaughlove on Fri, 12/18/2009 - 23:59.

Thank you, very much! :) How do you think I should set it up?

catlover12de's picture

Suggestion

Submitted by catlover12de on Sat, 12/19/2009 - 00:44.

 What about this?

"You can't see the scars

that you've left on my heart,

but that doesn't mean

they're in the dark.

They're there,

I can feel them

bursting

at the seams

as I hold back

a pained scream.

I know I said

I would always be there,

but this is getting

much harder to bare.

I think of you

when I sit idle,

I think of how

you're in denial.

You're sorry,

I know,

but not sorry enough

to avoid letting me go.

I guess I knew

all along

that this wouldn't turn out right,

but that didn't dim the hope

...that little, innocent light."

That's just my suggestion. Feel free to take it or leave it.

I'll Take It, haha.

Submitted by leannlaughlove on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 07:12.

I'll take it, thanks! :)

catlover12de's picture

 Glad I could help.

Submitted by catlover12de on Sat, 12/26/2009 - 22:42.

 Glad I could help.

A prose that shows us we all

Submitted by welshpoet on Sat, 12/19/2009 - 12:59.

A prose that shows us we all carry scars, no matter how deep.

unforgotten scars

Submitted by lavanya b on Thu, 12/24/2009 - 20:30.

 u have given it creativity and Deanna has made more clearer .

well done and i can sense the pain it left behind.Scars would always be their and token of gift and would never allow us to forget them[if we want to!].

 

LAvanya

Thanks!

Submitted by leannlaughlove on Fri, 12/25/2009 - 07:14.

Many thanks. :)

 awesome!!..da ..only

Submitted by riya on Wed, 03/24/2010 - 22:28.

 awesome!!..da ..only word.....

wonderful usage of words...

gud piece of work dude...:)

Thank ya!

Submitted by leannlaughlove on Fri, 03/26/2010 - 08:28.

Thank you!! :)

prema_nair's picture

hi

Submitted by prema_nair on Sun, 04/04/2010 - 22:06.

real nice one..

gud stream of thoughts & lovely usage of words

i think the construction of the poem cud have been a little better, but thats fine

u are a good poet

Keep writing

 

Thanks!

Submitted by leannlaughlove on Mon, 04/05/2010 - 05:27.

Thanks so much! :)