Eden, was her name
I fell amongst flowers
left by lovers lament.
Swooning, I tumbled
in spinning sweet scents.
Surrounded by petals,
which hide thorns deeper still;
Collapsed inner heartbreak
made garden landfill.
My blossoming bed,
roots bitter and withered
just cannot feed,
as little chamomile buds
lose light to debris.
The compost keeps climbing,
a mountainous mess
And gardener keeps cleaning
the crap that you left
On this beautiful backdrop,
lost to neglect,
the flowers keep dying;
he pays his respects
as green thumb surrenders
to lovers resent.
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Style / Type:
freeform
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Please do not critique mechanics. The inconsistencies in style are intentional, or correcting them is not important to me.
Language:
English
