Empty Eager Eyes
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Empty eager eyes by Rene' Marcel Auguste Argoud II. (geuss my ethnicity, teehee)
Empty eager eyes,
born beneath barriers,
So rapid and restless
they flicker the lights.
Simple flesh curtains
but bitter and blind.
Hold lashes of sunlight,
Hide pupils of gold.
Yet, darkness is stalking
and slips through the folds.
Like falling feathers
which follow the faint
yet audible
cackle of crows.
Like dust and dirt, or salt and lime;
Stinging perceptions narrowed;
Have faltered, distorted by time.
Residue’s risen
by the blackened birds wings
redden the sight
of an iris unclean.
Sightless I listen
Listless I sit,
Heeding the echo;
the crackle and fizzle,
of a sun turned to black hole.
Useless eyes slipping;
back and away
from the sinful, shameful
gravitational pull
of the empty black vacuum
once called my center,
my lack-luster soul.
Loco... ethnicity eh!!!
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090428132259AAlQ9qW&cp=2
You are a Mexican...
Please see the above link for more details... LOL
About the poem... I think it is beautifully written indeed... though after reading it felt as if a prisoner composed it... But i know the meaning is quite simple... about your eyes... :)
Once again I loved the metapor that the poem is...
Repsectfully,
Amartya
Your spot on amartya
the conflict between my actions and the optimistic view that I can and will become a better person if I keep trying...has its ebb and flow, on this particular day, I did feel like a prisoner. I felt like saying "screw being nice", It's time to get selfish" but inversely I still want to be a Good person. I want to be proud of my character, and more so my actions.
glad to see you caught that.
Loco!
You have been saving the best of your writes for last, have't you? This flows very well, I think. The technicality of the poem is the best I've seen from you. Maybe I'm wrong on that. The poem was very good, indeed. Nice work.
Mocit
Truth be told
I honestly have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to technical stuff. I just write, my critiques may give the impression that I know a thing or two about pentameter and the structure of poetry, but honestly....that stuff is beyond me. I understand rhyme and rhytme, perhaps because poetry for me started with Dr. Seuss and nursery storys. I would like to learn the lingo, I'm all about the connections though.
I see poetry as a verbal exercise for the brain, making connections not typical to most and giving them meaning beyond reason, then tying it back into reality with an unexpected twist. EX. to compare a planet to a cellular organism. That's the fun part to me! everything else I toss to the side until I get people that know what there doing to critique and make suggestions.
As our talks here continue, I'm sure you'll realize that for me....Intellegence and Wisdom are paramount. I strive to become as intellegent as humanly possible.... as I feel that it is the only limitation we have as animals which is unique to us. The ability to train our minds, and inherently our hearts (fallacy of heart was an attempt to express that opinion) is what makes us "special". Buddhist's would call it enlightenment, I call it fending of complacency.
Everything I've written and post here are new works. I would love to show some of my old work, but that was written when I was 13 years old and was lost long ago on a Packard Bell w/ a Pentium 75MHZ processor!! and 64megs of ram! hahah, I'm old...
I have secretly been hoping for harsh critiques here... I would very much like to see people like Joseph and Amartya who seem to have a better understanding of the structured school of poetry to rip into some of my stuff.
In short, I know where I excel... but what I do definately need is a trusted hand to point out my flaws.
oh, did i mention i ramble?
ofcource
They a are far better at apprasing poetry than I. And better poets as well, go figure. I didnt mean to offend you, if I did. Like you, I only know what I read and how it sounds to me, but your right; it's better left to the professionals. Thanks for your honesty.
Respectfully,
Mocit
hehe...what is it about my writing?
I must ask, what do I keep saying that makes people ask that? I'm not easily offended. I am happy to be amongst so many poets. I've actually enjoyed this site very much, and the people who frequent it. I think somehow, I keep making the same mistake in my phrasing. Perhaps my enthusiasm comes off as aggresive? I am, however, morritified that I keep doing or saying something that causes appreciated but unnessicary apologies. Every one here has been very amiable, and I sincerly hope that my actions are being view in the same manner. I'm here to listen and share thoughts on poetry and prose with all of you.
Forgive my misunderstanding
Maybe it's because I think I've tried to help in a way that i realised was something I didnt know enough about; it's not you, my friend, but me. I get caught up in my point i'm trying to make and dont relise I'm over stepping myself. Apologies are mine to give.
Please keep writing,
Mocit
Karaamba!!! Now that is a
Karaamba!!!
Now that is a beauty you have just shown us!!
"Like dust and dirt, or salt and lime;
Stinging perceptions narrowed;
Have faltered, distorted by time.
Residue’s risen
by the blackened birds wings
redden the sight
of an iris unclean."
Too good!!...Be u a Mexican or Mr.San Diego....ur choice of words and emotions are truly universal bro. Keep em coming!!!!