Mute
Mocit, this is inspired by your comments on my last poem. Like I said, I have trouble with the idea of talking too much; I seek to clarify and find I confuse instead. Although, I'm troubled by it daily; I do find a sense of happiness to have that characteristic noticed in my writing (although, I would like to be able to control when and where it shows). In other words, I'm that dude who always rambles on and on and on, but has tried to train himself to say as little as possible yet still has soooooooooooo much to say. Add to that the fact that I am a bit pompous..... and you can see my dilema.
Mute
How I hurry.
Spit with speed.
For fear time takes it’s time
to limit how much,
how long
I speak.
My message so clear.
Heart poised,
rapidly beating.
Though my tongue
Echos calmly
what my mind mused
to sing.
But rather I’m clumsy.
Unrefined in expression,
Inversed in my words.
For I talk too much
of thoughts absurd.
To listless listeners
hence seldom heard
palpitations,
a heart stuck to mute.
Crystal clear
FYI I think this poem is 'finished'
A good write, my friend
Mocit
Ah ha! What I needed to hear!
I don't believe you are incorrect in your advice, even in the slightest. I really try to make sure that my writing is mine... inherently, I try to be very open about my own flaws. If a perfect poem exists, I have yet to read it. I hope that my engaging you doesn't make you uncomfortable or anything, but I'm starved for feedback. I am the only person I've ever met IRL and talked to about poetry....kinda sad huh? I have very little oppurtunity to discuss, create, or examine poetry aside from the time I sneak away from work( don't tell my boss) and the time I spend reading/writing at home.
I absolutely love that all of the writers here comment or critique with "real" statements that seem thoughtful and focused (this includes you). I am actually not as nice...even now I struggle with my rhetoric as I feel out of place amongst people whom express themselves by writing. I've never really been able to explore other poets "relationship" to there own writings, and feel awkward discussing my own for fear of sounding self-important. Not to say that I don't find every moment absolutely facinating....so much to learn so little time!
I feel the need to put to rest any worries you might have about offending me. So to be perfectly frank, (this includes anyone else who's read or commented on anything I post here) I find my own work juvenile, ego-centric and a bit hoitey-toitey, pfft.... but that's probably cause it's mine, I know it too well. Hell, it's my portait in words (kinda tired of staring at the same picture :P). Anything you guys tell me, polite or harsh will be examined....it's why I chose to hang out here now, I crave the validation.(Lol, perhaps that's too honest)
Not at all, my friend
you've found a home
Mocit