Sugary Thoughts from the mind of an Ant
Sugary Thoughts from the Mind of an Ant
Ants that pass on the same path reversed
Millions of times this course rehearsed
to and fro, to and fro,
two ant’s collide
not due to blindness
or the lack of eyes
this collision preferred
for the simple chance
to touch, to feel
to connect to a friend
to meet and inspect
where the other has been
This ploy but a ploy
To fool the rest and say,
"Although we are ants,
I love you the same.”
Although we are ants
We both have names
To each other and forever,
Forever again
Our meetings, romances;
Sugar cube chances,
Candy cane rain!
A pleasant escape
From the arborous tasks
and
repetitiveness
We carry every day.
</p> (3 votes)
:) ... relaxing
Loco,
I found this poem relaxing... though I did find forced rhyme,
"not due to blindness
or the lack of eyes"
but the relaxing nature of the poem over shadowed it easily... Besides I think a little forced rhyme should be allowed especially for such work...
Overall I LOVED it...
Amartya
Fun read
However, replace ANTS with SOULS: the use of insects and/or animals trivializes the deeper sentiments you want to express. IF you can't find a rhyme don't use one--it will happen in another part of the poem go for image and feelings:
We are souls lost in a sea
Of lonely hearts
Passing each other 's way
A thousand time a day....
A sudden ecstasy etc
You have GREAT FORM AND IMAGINATION!
Joe
Thanks for the Advice
yeah first stanza was tuff for me, I started in 3rd person want to try to transition to 1st smoothly. I think that's why it does have a relaxing feel. That plus, I wrote this while outside on my porch smoking a cig, with coffee! (sooo good mmm) and I noticed some ants on the wall (Pissed that I had to interrupt my "morning time" to get some raid and kill the interuders) I started writing, i felt bad... what if they have feelings... so on and so on, what if I was an ant.
Then I started thinking, crap....I kinda am, the only thing that really breaks up my day is poetry and my Girlfriend.
Hence, the Sugary thoughts.
Nothing wrong with that! :)
Just keep on writing.
joe
Wow!
Awesome idea! I really think you have a nice piece in the works here. I feel it's a bit rough in spots and needs some polish, though (if i may say so). This, I think, may be the best piece in this style that I've read on this site so far. LocoGlitch, did you just compose this recently? I always come back a few days, weeks, or years later to polish up things that I write. I'm just curious.
I do like what you have already, and I wouldn't change most it it's just that I would love to see it focus on the human/ant emotional comparrison more strongly, dare I say solely. I think you really have something here. Truly, I would love to revisit this poem on an even deeper level...
Mocit
Yep, I wrote this this morning.
Every time I write something, anything, it goes in my journal first (Siting in my back pocket now). Typically, its scatter thoughts that i pencil in through out the day (just random stuff that affects me any which way). If anything starts coming together I'll hash it out, on a seperate page.
This piece is a bit different, inspired in the morn by a run in with ants that I talked about in the post up top. No plan, or notes...just a quick little inspiration.
I will definately repost some of this stuff once I let it slumber on my HD for a bit and edit. Sometimes, I do it quickly...others take months.
Mind you, i just started writing again after 14 years of squat. Up until about 4 months ago, the last time I wrote a poem was when I was 13. (I'm old)
Ah Ha
So we have many paralells then...
awesome!!
very nice poem.....