I Miss You
I MISS YOU
I miss you,
& I am not lying.
I miss you,
& without you, I am dying.
I miss you everyday,
I miss you from my soul.
My life is now a foul play,
Your love is taking a toll.
I miss the way you held my hand,
I miss the way we walked on sand.
I miss the way we played our music loud.
I miss the way you found the silver lining in every cloud.
I miss your sweet smile,
That blew all my problems away.
If only you would have stayed a little while,
I would have never let myself stray.
I know it’s too late,
I have accepted it as my fate.
Just wanted you to know,
I am still a friend, not a foe.
I still miss you,
& I am not lying.
I still miss you,
& without you, I am dying.




Very lyrical write
This comes f rom the heart. I like the lyrical repetion "I miss you" -- repertition often adds emphasis and lyrical impact. There are two rhymes; however, I would elimiinate 2 rhymes because they do not ring true== do you know which ones?
See ARABESQUE: I have only one rhyme, although there s nothing wrong with rhyme-- it is the music of poetry. We need to choose judicioulsy and not rhyme for rhyme' s sake....
Joe :)
&
Eliminate the &, If you want to give emphasis to the conjunction you could write it tihs way:
I miss you
And
I am dying
The two rhymes that rang a bit untrue were:
1. foul play -- too prosaic
2. foe
"Just wanted you to know
I miss you so, my love
No enemy am I""
[you finish the rest]
Hi Prema, I
Hi Prema,
I enjoyed my journey through the poem..it's like a smooth fountain of rhythmic words......Pen down more...
It's a song
Prema,
I agree with Joe... I is a VERY experianced poet... It is a song...
But then i've a question... are song lyrics not poems?
Just a thought...
PS: Do follow Joe's suggestion if you are serious about poetry...
His advices are previous
thanks
thanks for da comments. i'll work on them.
Prema.
Nice One!
Hey Prema! You have beautifully expressed your feelings! Good job!
hey~
hey premz!!~ da wz seriusly vry cool...i mean touchin n cums dirctly frm ur heart....i luvd d flow...d serius continuous flw...
givs an impressin dat u js cldnt stop writin it d momnt u strtd it..~