Expressing an elemental emotion
[This is merely a view, an 'experimental' feeling , (of course this is, beyond doubt, a fundamental elemental emotion of the integrated-emotion-spectrum of a human mind and I just emphasized on expressing it in a free way) ..........there is none/nothing to impose on this feeling :) :) ]
Huss !! keep quite ,
hold your breaths a bit
and just put your ear
with a bit care
close to my skin ,
and you will listen
the shout of my blood
flowing through the heart
and the vessels and the cells
of my body
like a river
swollen in rain.
The flow is roaring
with rage and pain,
enough to frighten
the senses of a normal brain
so hold your heart;
you may hurt
yourself,I well know
seeing this violent 'show'.
Or if you just have a
glimpse on my face
even without care,
you'll feel the fear
just to see my jaws
rigid and rough,
my eyes as hard as steel
with all my eyes' pupils
filled with hatred deep
only for you.
Yes, for you.
Bloody is this thought
with wounds a lot,
and added to this pain
is the acid rain,
desperate to see you drain
towards the stomach of a crane.
And ahh ! how much I wish
today, that I can have
your tender heart,
just freshly-cut
and isolated from your
thorax muscles,
to serve it as supper
to the dirtiest vulture
of the world.
Yes,you are my hatred-deep,
and I enjoy seeing you,
my hatred personified
to get destroyed
and finally modified
through digestion and metabolism,
into the basic elements
of a vulture's cells.
wow! I am speechless,
wow! I am speechless, literally!
I dont hate somebody/anybody so much but yes, I can imagine how rational it is to hate somebody so much from every nerve and cell of your body.
Good luck to your enemies!
Pritam
Hi,
I think the emotion was nicely expressed... Hatred is a difficult vice to control....Though I'm personally not well versed with the emotion the poem gave me a sense of anger or rage... May be that is hatred? I do have a couple of observations though... these are just minor observations and in no way important... What the poet feels is MOST important here...
1) 'violence-show' - I think 'violent show' will be more appropriate
3) "to serve it as a supper" - the article sounds redundant to me.
Amartya
Thank u
@Vinita
Thank u dear fnd for your comment.....I would like to comment on your comment:it's merely a view, a feeling....also I have none to hate this much (really)
....
@Amartya:Great to get critical comment from you buddy....Actually you know Amartya, to be honest I was thinking the same thing!!!..........Actually in the morning I wrote those lines when I was in a real hurry ....:)...Now I'hv changed it because those were tickling my mind....But honestly,I am really grteatful to you my friend,for your observational comments...Thank u again...
Thank you Pritam
for taking my comment positively... :)
to appreciate one another and to point each others' mistakes is what this site is all about... I'm SO happy you understood the concept... you are a true friend... :)
Respectfully,
Amartya
pritam
And ahh ! how much I wish
my way od conveying
zindagi ki safar mein kab wo ane ki bandish lag gayi pata hi na chela
@Amartya: Yes buddy, I
@Amartya: Yes buddy, I completely agree with yr view...only constructive criticism can help us get better........and we all wanna betterment
.Thank u Amartya........
@Lavanya:It feels good that this poem gave you pleasure (in your words "false thought of happiness") and it feels even better to know that this poem inspired you (or whatever) to conceive another thought (your this poem has really a great calming effect , I enjoyed it ).It is the best rewards that a poet (sorry that I am talking abt myself !!) longs for ....that his/her poem can give someone a mental shelter..can be someone's temporary company......thank u Lavanya .....Thank u for your beautiful appreciation.....
Hi
@Amartya: Yes buddy, I completely agree with yr view...only constructive criticism can help us get better........and we all wanna betterment
.Thank u Amartya........
@Lavanya:It feels good that this poem gave you pleasure (in your words "false thought of happiness") and it feels even better to know that this poem inspired you (or whatever) to conceive another thought (your this poem has really a great calming effect , I enjoyed it ).It is the best rewards that a poet (sorry that I am talking abt myself !!) longs for ....that his/her poem can give someone a mental shelter..can be someone's temporary company......thank u Lavanya .....Thank u for your beautiful appreciation.....
haha..reminds me of those
haha..reminds me of those innocent outbursts among kids..cute fight